For being life’s greatest joy, parenting can be stressful. Like, really stressful. And for how easy it is to be become stressed, it can be very hard to get rid of it. I mean, let’s face it, you have a whole little human to take care of. So finding time to relax in a bubble bath or do a work out isn’t always realistic. So these are my quick and easy tips and tricks to de-stress as a new parent.

1 – Understand that what you’re going through is normal

Your baby crying for no reason; not being able to calm him down; stressing out because of it. All of that is normal! And I know that it’s hard to come to terms with, it took me a long, long time. But accepting your feelings and knowing that they are valid is the first step in a long journey to find your calm as a parent. (Yes, I’ve been told it is possible!

2 – Get on the same page with your partner

In an ideal world, you and your partner would agree on everything and there would be no effort to getting on the same page. I don’t know about you, but I don’t live in that world.

So, one night I sat my fiance down and we talked about as many issues as we could think up. If something were to happen to one of us, who would watch our son? Where will he sleep, in bed with us, in a crib in our room, or in his own room? How do we feel about the cry-it-out method?

Keep in mind that this isn’t a one and done type deal, it should be an ongoing conversation, and both partners should feel heard and happy with the decisions being made. Babies cause enough stress, you don’t need the additional stress of arguing. And you definitely don’t want it to cause more tension, fights, or resentment.

3 – Sleep when your baby sleeps

It gets said all too often when you’re pregnant that you need to stock up on and say goodbye to a good night’s sleep. There’s a reason they all say it, you know. I really lucked out, my son is an amazing sleeper – but that doesn’t mean we don’t have rough nights. So when we do, you bet your bottom I’m gonna be napping with him the next day.

4 – Take a break

When you get overwhelmed, put your baby down in a safe place and take a break. Walk away if you need to. Now, I’ve read a lot about breathing techniques – but, in all honesty, when I’m in a situation like this, I find it can be really hard to do.

So I take just a few seconds. I close my eyes, take as deep of a breath as I can, and slowly exhale. I open my eyes and I get back to it. But I know that won’t work for everyone, so I encourage you to find whatever works for you – and take however long you need. Your baby will be okay.

5 – Take some me time

I know this can be hard to do, you’re a busy mama. But taking care of yourself is important – especially if you also need to take care of others. So don’t wait around for free time to come up (who knows when that would happen), make some time for you.

But know that you time doesn’t mean you have to be alone if you can’t, or if you just don’t want to. Me time just means doing things that you enjoy, and you can absolutely do that with your baby. Play some music that you like, sing along, dance around with your baby. Or if you’re looking to relax, take a bath and feel free to bring your little babe in with you.

6 – Stop trying to be the perfect mom

It’s tempting to try to do everything yourself. You want to be the super mom who who makes all the appointments, prepares amazing food for every meal, keeps the house spotless, and does all the diaper changes and late night feedings for your little one. But it is not worth exhausting yourself over.

Your baby doesn’t notice when the dishes aren’t done, or when there’s a pile of laundry – nor would they care. If you are taking care of yourself and your child, then you are succeeding. Allow yourself to not be the perfect mom without any guilt.

7 – Don’t compare

I know it’s hard not to compare yourself to other mothers, your children to other people’s children, your relationships to others relationships. Whether it’s that you see other moms who seem to have all their ducks in a row, other children hitting milestones faster, or hear stories of other SOs that just seem to be doing everything right.

Remember that everybody’s story is different and just because yours isn’t written the same way, doesn’t make it lesser than anybody else’s.

8 – Make some mommy friends

Personally, I had my son a lot earlier than my friends, so I didn’t have any other mom friends going into parenthood. Mommy & Me groups were a life saver for me. I’ve found other mamas who are honest, supportive, and make me feel like a good mom.

Trust me when I say that you need women like that in your life. You need people that you can talk about the good, the bad, and the ugly with. Not just that, but people you can learn from and laugh with. Women that will bring you up, not push you down.

And if you find yourself with other moms that judge you, say goodbye. You don’t need that. I promise that you’ll be doing enough of that to yourself.

9 – Accept help

Trust me when I say that people aren’t just offering to be nice, they offer because they care. So take the free meal, accept their baby stuff, and enjoy the one less load of dishes to do.

Not only that, but use the resources available to you. Take advantage of classes being offered at the hospital, join local groups, and use the internet. I know you’ve likely be told not to Google things (and they have a point), but we live in such an amazing time where there are so many resources at our fingertips. So use them!

10 – Ask for help

I find this one much harder to do than the last, I always have. But that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t do it, and the same goes for you. And I know that I’m not the only one that finds themselves not able to do everything that they thought they could, or should, be doing. I catch myself thinking that since I’m home all day, I should be able to cook and clean while watching the baby. Most of the time, it’s just not possible for me.

So, on the days I insist on doing it, I wait until my fiance gets home, and I ask him to watch our son while I do the housework. But you know what happens more often? I ask for help doing the cooking or cleaning. Because I believe that it should all be a team effort. We are both responsible not only for our son, but also for our house.

11 – Exercise

I’m sure by now you’ve probably had it drilled into your head that exercise is good for you. And even though having so many people tell you this over and over (and over…) can be annoying, it’s also true. That being said, you don’t have to do those crazy workouts that you see others doing online. I mean, if you can, go for it – but I know that I can’t.

So what do I do? I put my son in his stroller and we go for a walk. That’s it. We don’t go every day, and we’re not always out for a long time, but we get out of the house. Just to get out of the confines of those four walls, get moving, and get some fresh air is enough for me.

12 – Get a hobby

Whether you find a new hobby, or revive and old one – it doesn’t matter. Yes, you’re a mom, but you’re so much more than that. So you don’t have to be defined only as a mom if you don’t want to. You need to prioritize yourself. And if you’re not willing to do that for yourself, do it for your little one.

13 – Focus on your relationship

I’ve heard that to do this, you should go on a date night once a week. For most people, myself included, that’s just not possible. If you can get a babysitter, or a friend or family member to watch your little one, then absolutely go enjoy a date night.

But not being able to go out doesn’t mean you can’t have intimate “dates” with your partner. Something that we like to do in my house is order take-out and watch a movie after we put our son down for bed.

That being said, relationships require more than dates. Remember that little things can make a big difference. Something as simple as giving your SO a kiss before they leave for work can help keep your relationship happy, healthy, and strong.

14 – Stay flexible

Not so much a way to de-stress as it is a way to prevent getting stressed. If you have any hope of keeping your calm, you need to be adaptable and practice problem-solving. Because guess what? Your baby doesn’t care about your plans and your schedules. And your needs and your baby’s needs always come first. So, not matter what other people say, know that it’s okay to cancel or reschedule plans.

15 – Remember that it will pass

So focus on the good times. Seriously, soak up every second. You’ll soon realize that it’s all too true when people say that they grow up too fast. So enjoy it while you can, before they become fond memories.